Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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