He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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