She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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