The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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