Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wanna bring you to show and tell
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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