You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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