I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize