Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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