you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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