haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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