he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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