I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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