Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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