He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
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We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
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So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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