I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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