is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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