I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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