her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize