I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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