Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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