had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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