i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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