Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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