But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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