i was born a porn star she said
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize