Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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