theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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