She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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