Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize