new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize