The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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