so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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