Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize