I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize