if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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