Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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