I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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