My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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