dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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