i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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