Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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