They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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