well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize