WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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