Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize