been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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