why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize