I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
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So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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