She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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