I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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